Cut and Run

There’s a million and one things I could and should be doing right now and I always feel guilty about the things I put first sometimes in my life, my writing, myself, something completely frivolous like watching my favorite show a bit too much.  I feel bad doing anything out of order and I guess I should to some extent.  I have been reckless.  I go through these seasons of feeling completely useless no matter what I do in real life, so sometimes I just throw all the rules up in the air for a time and live pretty badly, throwing caution to the wind, living by the absolute seat of my pants.  Am I terrible?  It might seem that way at first glance, but if you get to know me, you might see the bigger picture.  And those who want to see the bigger picture about others always will with no extra outside help to prod them to do so.  They find out.  They just do.  I am learning a few things today.  I have been pondering friendship for some time now, what it is, what it means to be a real friend.  What it means to be a Christian, a real Christian and a real friend at the same time.  I mean, what does it mean?  

And quantity sucks sometimes, too.  Being so desperate for friends that you just get caught in a trap with some crazy people is a real kicker.  And I know, we are all a little crazy, but I mean really crazy, bad crazy not good crazy.  Been there, might be there again, but I’m in a place now where I don’t know a lot of people just yet.  I don’t have to go down that path again although everything is still a risk.  This game of life, it’s all just one big, honking risk.  This whole dealing with people stuff, dealing with ourselves, getting to know people, feeling them out, trying to make friends, or, oh, wait, not so fast there, I’m not sure I want to be friends with you, this might go really bad.  But really, what does it mean to be a friend in the Christian world?  It’s all quite confusing to me.  I mean.  I’ve seen Christians rave about not being friends with the world, the people “in the world” as if they don’t live in this world, too.  Is that what I am supposed to do, not be anyone’s friend in this world who does not think or act or believe or say or do just like me?  Is that what being a friend really is?  

I get the fact that we have some things more in common with others and that we gravitate toward those people and that’s a part of life and fine, but marginalizing other people based on differences, holding them far away or worse, cutting them completely off based on those differences.  This is the way God wants us to behave towards others?  Well, I don’t think so.  And I can hear some people.  Where’s your verse, your bible verse, your proof, your, your...And for the record, I’ve been burnt out by people using the bible, I was fully immersed in the bible from birth and I’ve had to take a step back from it, from reading it so much, hearing it so much so I can gain a proper perspective.  

I need to clarify further as well, something I am very bad at doing in my writing apparently.  Close friends in some ways do need to respect and hold reverent the serious things we believe....they may not believe the same but they need to respect them, if they don’t then I see where it would be hard to be close friends.  But we decide what the deal breakers are. Maybe we are being flat out petty when dealing with people.   And maybe it’s not that easy, sometimes we have husbands, families and children to consider as well in all this.  I get that.  There needs to be a consideration for things that matter within the family, in the home.  But really if we were respecting one another, we are respecting one another’s choice of friendship as well, that goes with considering the family and those that matter.  All that in mind, we should decide what are real deal breakers when it comes to friendship or not and make those things really count.  I think we’d find ourselves x’ing out people way, way less and being more open to the wide world and it is extremely wide and seeing that openness pay off and it does, oh, does it.  

For the world of people at large I think “Christians” should love and speak with them all and have no reserve to care or help any kind or sort of people across the board or to befriend them.  I think, what is our purpose if we are not loving and caring and being available to people of all races, beliefs, creeds and the like?  It shouldn’t matter, but day to day close friendship, our go to people should indeed respect what we believe whether or not we agree and if not there may not be room for close friendship.  I do believe that Christians can be close friends with anyone if that is the understanding and practice of respecting issues and beliefs that matter.  

I come from a world of people in my past who cannot be in the same room with people that they differ from or disagree with.  I grew up shutting people out and cutting them off completely at some point or another based on what they did or did not believe or what they did or said.  I am still dealing with this small minded behavior today from other people, new people, old, destructive thinking.  It’s one small corner of life and should be, but it bugs the devil out of me.  I was quietly deleted by someone on big deal, right?  It really isn’t a big deal, but it is at the same time.  It’s not huge that I was deleted, but what is huge is that when this person was asked why I was deleted she couldn’t give a good answer and refused really to give a good answer or reason why she deleted me and I am pretty sure it was religiously based.  This sort of thing is prevalent from the world that I came from.  I used to do the same thing myself.  I admit shamefully that I used to play the game of x’ ing people out of my life for one reason or another.  I had the supposed line by line, everything’s covered in my mind kind of truth that I thought so many other people did not have, especially the ones that dared to disagree with me.   I was living a one sided, narrow minded, half-hearted life. Maybe she was just cleaning up her friends list...and no big deal.  Maybe I was just a little number in her crowd of numbers and that’s typical of facebook.  It’s normal and stupid and shouldn’t even be considered even a blip on the map of my day.  Although that could be true and just say it is.  Her action just reminds me how so many “Christians” behave.  The supposed “world” knows how to treat each other better I think in so many cases.  I have had more luck making friends with the “world” sometimes.  It makes me wonder who the real Christians really are.  I think we all might be a bit confused.  Maybe I need to stop being confused about what true friendship is.  

My daughter first started watching tv at two and her first favorite movie for some reason was lilo and stitch.  The girl was literally addicted to it for days.  Lilo, lilo, lilo she screamed and I let her have her way.  I know...I’m a bad mother.  She’s the baby and I blow it a lot over that baby.  Preach to me.  Go ahead.  One of the things they say in that movie I won’t ever forget.  Ohana means family and that means nobody gets left behind.  Friends are family and they don’t walk away unless there is a damn good, upfront and honest reason.  That’s as about as good as I can describe it.  Friends are family and they don’t leave you behind. 

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