I just visited with a lady who I have known for about three years who has three children. Both her and her girls used to live with the mother's grandmother on and off since they were born. In an attempt to paint a picture and make an important point I will say that the girls' mother has been in and out of towns and jobs, does not have a G.E.D. or diploma of any kind, lives in HUD housing, doesn't have a job, a car, is on welfare and has caused quite a bit of trouble for many people over the years. She recently had that third baby, gets child support for her two older children and lives with the third baby's father who does work, but the relationship is up and down. The CPS has been involved with the family since fingerprint bruises were found on both of the baby's arms and the mom does not know who would have given the baby bruises. Yes, this is very alarming and sad and I really hope she isn't the one perpetrating the abuse.
The children seemed better this visit when very often they seem lost, forlorn, disconnected and have that far away look in their eyes, especially the older child. It's okay for now. Life is a little quieter again since they now have their own place to stay, the kids are in school and life has calmed down. I have visited with the mother many times and she does seem changed to me, but still comes across as being very out of touch in some ways with where she is in life and in the way she includes people who could be very toxic for her and her children. I've tried to help her as I can by providing rides, a place to stay, friendship to her and her children, a listening ear and as I say life has quieted down for now, but it has many times done that before only to blow up once again.
All this to say...here is one example of a girl, well, she's older than a girl now, but she was what I would consider a girl when she started having babies. Here is a woman who decided not to abort any of her three children. To that I would say, yes, I am definitely glad.
I am pro-life. But not just for the babies. I am pro-life for all. I am pro-life for this woman and the two fathers of her children. I am pro-family. I am for helping people rise from the ashes. I am for families coming together in healthy environments and finding solutions for unhealthy environments. Helping people because I am pro-people. All people. It's easy to be pro-life and even easier to just "say" that you are pro-life, but if you are truly pro-life you must be on this life instilling trip for the long haul for all that have breath in their bodies.
And they know. Many of them know that they are at the bottom, but they have failed for so long and fallen so far that they secretly feel hopeless. Many of them. And this girl, this woman came to me in tears as she was being threatened by her family members and needed a place to stay with her children. She sat for hours when she first arrived and cried bitterly. I had never seen her cry before then. Regrets and hopelessness had set in it seemed to me. And we talked about jobs, getting her G.E.D., a better way to get her HUD housing quicker, she used my computer to keep her food stamps up to date, she had a place to lay her head for now. And...she is undeserving. She doesn't deserve kindness, she has been a user, crude and rude to her family and many other things. Even her dirty, low down, user friends don't want her. They kicked her out of their house. She doesn't necessarily deserve love. But I believe Jesus calls me to a higher standard. If any man asks you for bread do not give him a stone, if your coat is stolen give the thief your cloak also, love your enemies and do good to those who hate and despise you. Yeah, it's crazy thinking for many, but this is my belief. My belief.
I would also say that I think that adoption is just as devastating for many mothers as abortion may be down the road for those same mothers. I have six kids and I could not even begin to imagine adopting a single one of them out no matter what my circumstance, but we will preach from the hill tops...just adopt your baby out, just adopt your baby out...all will be well. No, I don't think so. Yes, it is a step in this process that can have very good outcomes in some ways, but what would be better than a healthy child with their own healthy parents in a good environment. This is what we should strive for and what they should strive for in deal with their own need for personal accountability. And when this absolutely cannot be achieved then adoption is viable, then the children are put in better homes, etc. I know it seems idealistic and far from being the norm in society, but I totally think a healthy(not perfect) family format is a norm we need to get back to. Helping people who have grown up in less than suitable environments tackle parenting and how to deal in relationships with healthy boundaries. I grew up in an extremely abusive environment, but I still don't think I'd want to be adopted out or aborted. Not to say that we want to shove kids quickly back into abusive homes, but we must define abuse clearly or we may all lose our children, because we as parents fail and often. We need to define abuse clearly and we also need to know when enough is enough when it comes to discarding people who can be saved. Aborting adults. Aborting people who can be saved.
So, this pro-life stance is much more complicated than we think at first understanding. We chime from every hill top...don't abort...don't abort...adopt...adopt... And we can't save everyone and idealism bites the dust. I get it, but let us be pro-life from the top down to the very babies themselves.