indispensible people

I have been put to the test, folks.  Yes, again.  Tests are good, but I think I am failing this one pretty horribly.  Horribly pretty.  Yeah, tests are good.  They are great.  And maybe if I study a little harder I can pass this test somehow even though I have failed it a hundred times. 

How much junk is enough?  I mean, with people that is.  How much can someone put you through before you say, okay that is just enough?  No, I really want to know.  Anybody?  I don’t think I am a wimp when it comes to people.  I can take a lot.  I know it hasn’t always been that way for me.  I was quite a bit wimpy back when I was younger.  My feelings were hurt more easily, etc.  Now I really believe I try to see the good in people, try to keep long lists on others close to non-existent or others faults recalled for a short time.  

Speaking of short, it would be short sighted to play off this idea that I don’t create some of my own mess I deal with concerning all things people.  But what do you do when you feel as if you are doing nothing to little to offend or hurt or cause a reaction, etc. and are still getting slack, jazz, junk and down-right abuse from another?  

And I guess the real point in question would be how indispensable this person is in my life?  Is it a close friend, a family member, a casual acquaintance, or just a person in line at Wal-Mart?  I guess that would make a huge difference in whether or not I can or should take much more of this up and down, damned if I do and damned if I don’t stuff.  A twilight zone experience it is to be sure. 

And what do you do when this person is also pretty great, too?  When the reactions fly I know in a lot of ways it has nothing to do with me, but really and truly a concoction of all sorts of issues and emotions unrelated to me.  The good done by this person gets seriously clouded by the horrible moments.  I know that is life for all of us, but really, the same question remains for me…when is enough, enough?  I am willing to keep fighting, but this woman is getting tired.  

And in the middle of feeling this way, too, I realize that I may be “that person” for someone else…that person someone may be tired of dealing with.  So, if that is true and I am sure that is true for at least one person on the earth, then that takes me back to square one of trying to understand what to do in my circumstance besides just giving up or giving in.  Either way, the chips are certainly down, spread out and many fell on the floor of life, stuck in the mud to be forgotten.

And what makes another person in your life indispensable?

Ask a question and you’ll get a million answers.

My answer is honesty, kindness, raw and real…this is what I really want to see in a person and long for in myself.  A failure, a redeemed soul driven towards reality and finding truth in every corner of life, these are more indispensable traits.  

Expectations.  I have them and so do you…and maybe they are quite unrealistic at times.  Maybe they are not.  And maybe I am answering my own question. 
But what drew us to the people in our lives in the first place?

Something we fell in love with…something, many indispensable things.  And that is what we might want to be willing to see in that person again when the clouds of reaction and unkindness and loveless emotion come.   I am willing, but feel so unable.  How do I become willing and able at the same time?  Simultaneous willingness and ability when you could choose between hell and high water, the devil and the deep blue sea?  Where does that magical mix of willingness and ability even come from?  I mean, I am really at the bottom of the barrel, folks.  The absolute bottom. 
It is hard, very, very hard, and is it worth it?  I hope so.

*alert* this is a freetothink blog...use your brain and think for yourself at will, my thoughts are merely my own.