How many times has a friend or someone come to us and told us in whatever tone what is going on in their own life...usually bad stuff?
As the world turns, people hurt, stuff breaks, we break, we receive the wounds others attempt to give us, they achieve, and on it goes. And the need for mankind to release their own pain in words is relevant, aye? Listening ears, the release, the real human emotion that goes with this process, it is so needed.
Well, I broke down yesterday afternoon. Blame it on the rain, blame it on a whole host of things going wrong right now. Blame it on whatever. I cried and cried and cried and felt as if I could not go on another minute. I went to bed and stayed there, but before that happened my kids, all of my kids, did something so amazing. Yeah, they are pretty amazing. Shut up critics in my head, yeah, shut the heck up that would try to convince me otherwise. Yeah, they're in there yelling, those dang critics, in my head almost daily.
So, in the midst of my horrid boo hooing, these precious ones overwhelmed me inside a cloud of validation. How did they know how to do that? I think kids know how to validate honest emotion, hardship and feelings absolutely more than anyone, well, until someone teaches or hurts them out of their innocence and ability to validate. It's a gift from God methinks.
"Mom, can I help you?" "Mom, you and dad need to go on a date. I'll make dinner and you can go be with dad alone and talk." "Oh, mom, don't cry. I'll make it better."
And on and on they went. And the validating words went on and on, mercifully and I just was in awe and I felt loved so well.
There is time for truth and maybe I was overreacting yesterday and needed a big whack of truth, like snap out of it lady, but my kids didn't jar or hammer me with truth in my moment of weakness. You think they would say snap out of it, mom, like so many others would say. They know me better than anyone on earth...they know my crap and they can smell rats from ten miles away. They know when I need to knock it off. But they didn't do it, make me feel as if...yeah, as if.
I hate it when others and I hate it when I have done it...glossing over someone's pain, there is a release, and we go on a diatribe of invalidation, attempting to undo the pain in seconds what took days, months, years or even decades to create. Fixing, really unfixing, things by making someone feel as if it's not that bad or that these feelings are useless is really unhelpful.
Validation is one of the most loving gifts you can allow yourself to give to others. Love grows cold without it.