I am so grateful today. Yes, no, I am not grateful everyday. In fact, I am not grateful much. I spend much of my life discontent and complaining, out loud and privately in the recesses of my mind, unfortunately and fortunately, too. Gratefulness comes in bursts for me. All of a sudden what is going on around me occurs to me and I become profoundly grateful, deeply grateful and a big smile builds on my face. I don’t know why gratefulness strikes me this way. And my random thought to go with this grateful thinking is give and it shall be given. Keep giving. Don’t stop giving to others. Your smile, your time, your life. Give it away, your money, your encouragement. A kind word. I have reaped so much. Not because I expected it, not because I demanded it. In the past at times I have failed in desiring accolades for my giving, or I beat myself up for not being more of a giver, but really, what human being doesn’t want to be noticed for his giving? It’s natural and not always wrong I think. What a catch 22.
The weather being beautiful today started me off in this frame of mind, the kind of weather that hypnotizes you and draws you out to God’s sun and sky, you’re out the door without realizing it. And with one notice of it I realized in one fell swoop that there is more going on that’s pretty amazing all around me. People have come to me for help. Wounded souls who need a friend, who need me, who see my worth. Just when I felt like I was feeling pretty useless. Some other people in my life made me feel like a waste and I fell for it. I bought into the lie. And when the lie set in and did it’s work I was a wounded soul, all was lost for a moment in my mind and I let those feelings take a hold of me. And then.
And then, yes, and then.
God sees me down here, doesn’t He?
He sees me. He knew I was worried for my son and we saw some answer to his pain. He smiled. He showed relief. And I sighed and thanked God. And smiled. He sees me. He saw what others had done to me needlessly and the pain they tried and did cause to me and He, yes, I believe it was God, brought just the right people in my life at just the right moment to counter balance all that raw pain. A note came in the email box…it wasn’t a list of demands, it wasn’t an advertisement or some message to further make me feel worthless for not taking action on a social issue. For once, it was a note, a simple note, a short few lines, just asking me how I was doing and that I was being thought of…at just the right time. She didn’t know what I was dealing with. He sees me. I have been fighting a dumb financial battle over here…wondering how we can pay down debt when everything keeps breaking down. The house, cars, appliances, our children need enrichment in their learning, they have desires and it all costs money. And then. And then, I was offered a two day a week money making opportunity at home. And then He gave my husband a new, better paying job. He sees me. Oh, God, in heaven, you see me.
And I am here to tell you that He sees you. Really, He does. I think He has x-ray vision and sees right through to the heart. So glad He sees our heart...those real intentions that we possess instead of the ones we are being accused of by others. I felt so invisible for so long to God, to others and even to myself at times. And the truth is, you, we are the world(we are the children) to someone and that is God in heaven. He loves you and sent His son to die for you. He sees you and longs for you to be His own child. And as His child, He sees you and He hurts every time you fall and in strength, in the power of His might He carries you and brings to you just the right people at just right time filled with all the right words and He sees your loneliness, your pain, your worry, your struggle and He cares about every ounce of it. I had forgotten how much He really does think of me and how much He does care. I am so grateful. So very, very grateful.