Mumbling in the Brain

Thoughts swirl night and day in my head.  I have my doubts about what anything means anymore.

Wow, that's vague, profound and very loaded depending on what I am talking about.  I have so many questions about life.  When death in any form confronts and reminds you of life's physical frailty, the proverbial question list seems to extend as far as the eye can see or as long as a pen contains its ink.

Why am I here on the earth?  I used to give my answer quickly to myself when I thought of that question.

Not anymore.

I don't understand how things are supposed to be.  I do believe there is a God.  I believe the bible to be true in it's proper context.  I believe in God's Son Jesus Christ.  I believe in Christ's death for the redemption of my sin and everyone else's.  I believe God is love.  I believe that the people that claim they follow Jesus Christ should be full of love for all people everywhere, no matter how different or "wrong" they seem.  We don't have to agree with someone to love them.  Not by any stretch of the imagination.  Did Jesus agree with Nicodemus when He came to speak with Him at night?  Did Jesus agree with the Samaritan women at the well, when He offered her living water?  Did Jesus agree with any of the people He healed in the New Testament?  I dare say that he didn't care about disagreements.  He loved, He reached out and He didn't let the differences or their sin stop Him from going the extra mile in His healing, His message or His care for them. 

That said, I don't get it.  I don't get what I am suppose to be doing totally right now.  I am a mom to five kids and a wife.  That's quite a job right there, but I feel like something is missing.  I am surrounded by people and yet I feel lonely.  I am firm on the basics of my belief in God and His Son, but yet I have so many questions about everything else.

I'm not interested in arguing with anybody.  I am just interested in living.  Death brings me to this place of understanding.  I am so totally done with sprinkling simplicity on everything.  Does that make any sense?  We live in a very complex world and yet, so many people live in ignorance or denial of that fact.  When someone loses a loved one, there are no easy answers or one way of dealing with loss and sorrow.

We are all so different.  I am so different.  Why do we all have to think the same way for us to be kind to each other and love one another?  The world is longing to see the kind of love Christ portrays to us in the New Testament.  I do believe it comes from God, this ability to see past sin, to see past the differences and reach out to people in love.  I want to be that person.

I don't have time for anything else. 



Violet said...

I feel that way most days - not knowing what God wants me to be doing with my life. Currently, I just sort of mumble through it. Being surrounded by people gives me a headache, yet being alone all the time makes me stressed. I seem to feel unbalanced most of the time. Christianity seems to be so complicated. I wish it were much easier, but the truth is, it's not.

Tragedy101 said...

I disagree with you. I think people are identical, except in the nonessentials.

What makes us identical is that God created us and loves us. All the rest are nonessentials.