If only you knew what I know stemming from the religious world I have lived in for so long. If only you have seen what I have seen. If only you have heard what I have heard for thirty years. That's a better part of my lifetime. It's a chunk of my life that I need to pause and reflect over and to heal from. It will be a life long process. I know the real loving Jesus is what I need, and I know that He is always here for me, but I also may need the help of professionals to get through this. We'll see. I know I have just scratched the surface when it comes to even realizing all the damage done to my mind and the damage that I have done to others myself. All in the name of Jesus. The little entries in here, on here, in this space that is white, fresh and clean, it's the here where I purge and I tip, tap until I feel tired and can't punch the keys anymore at 2am. If you only knew...
And I am having another aha moment. The light bulb in my mind turned on once again and it's flashing in urgency. I now realize fully that you need to know what I know, that telling my pain and my story might help you see or understand that what you have experienced yourself, you dear child of God, isn't a myth no matter how many religious people tell you it is. There is so much going on and has gone on that makes my head spin and as it spins round and round that light bulb illuminates even brighter and the need for my tip taps to go further, go deeper, expose more and shed light and as a friend recently said..."Blow the cover off the whole lot of them." Why do we hid lies, abuse and cover up so much? What do we excuse? Dismiss? Shrug off and even ignore? This dark religious world where so much seems distorted. God tells us, the real, true, free and loving believers to warn of wolves and ones coming "in His name" that aren't Him at all. Liars. Well, I am blowing the lid off all the lies I know of personally that come in the name of Jesus. In boldness I denounce the lies I have been told. I denounce what I knew and I want you to know.
Know my pain, feel it for yourself, to open up your eyes around you and keenly be in tune to the lies that ascetically please the eyes of so many people. Beautiful lies that house the hearts and minds of countless empty souls. Lies in your church. Lies in your home. Lies in fruitless outward religion, the religious bones of the truly spiritually dead people. Pretty corpses coming in Jesus name. Cover ups of control, misplaced power and oppression. Lies to you, the abused that you are not really being stripped away a little at a time. You are really not being raped, that your soul is not being quelled and literally crumbling within you. The precious soul God came to forgive, lovingly help, fill and use freely and with freedom in this world. Open each lid because I am about to really blow the lid of the crock pot of a skewered view of God and teachings off that come in "His" name and with His supposed approval. So many have made a God to suit themselves bent to the leanings of their emotional drives or lusts for power. God gets blamed for people in this world who use His precious name and His love and His ways that are mixed up with nasty lies. A little leaven leavens the whole lump. Beautiful lies.
As one who has been abused herself mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically by a myriad of people, intentional or unintentional, I say to the abused, wherever you are...you are not what your "Christian" abuser is telling you that you are. You are hurting and you need to hurt and you are allowed to hurt, to talk, to grieve, to walk through this process. You are also allowed in Jesus name to pick up the phone and call the police. If your husband is beating your kids call the police. If you are being abused call the police. If anyone you know is being molested blow the lid off of that for the abused sake. If you can't get the support of your "church" run for the hills and find a secular place of healing if you have to. Go to the real Jesus and go to a therapist. Do whatever it takes to find help and healing. If you feel controlled at your church, run for the hills. If you feel controlled by your husband find a support group for yourself, because you are most definitely going to need it, if not now, then in the future. And yes, divorce may be in order in some instances for sure. And I am putting myself out here on a limb and telling you... if you need to talk and find healing and help, please contact me, Deb Paul either on facebook(Deb Sue Ashmore Paul) or call me on my cell number 850-377-5421. Also, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org. I know what you are going through and if you need to talk, I want to help you. I know especially when your community is all you've ever known you may be completely cast out just for standing up to abuse or attempting to expose manipulators and controlling oppressors. My friend, dear one, child of God, He, the beloved Father has not forgotten you and He is disgusted by His so-called "followers". He is sick, He sees and hears you, beloved, and there will be a judgment for your abuser and a justice will be carried out by and by. Vengeance is mine, says Jesus.
And those of you that don't have any desire to "involve yourself in matters that don't concern you" I will tell you flat out that you are deceived and you don't know what Christ designed you to do when you supposedly became a free and true believer in the real Jesus filled with His Spirit and possessing the fruit of the Spirit. Don't call yourself a Christian if you will protect the abusers and not the abused. Don't give me your church discipline 101 rant or "this is how we do things" junk. I don't care about your opinions or your flavor. It stinks, it's corrupt and dangerous thinking. The bible is clear in how to handle dangerous, abusive people! Kick 'em out, stay away from them. Heck, cast them into the sea if you have to...which in modern day language that would be, "Call the police, people!". You are responsible. You will not be guiltless. You will give an account for keeping your mouth shut, for closing your ears and keeping your eye lids clamped tightly. The light of the body is the eye....look into the eyes of the families around you...is there life there? Life.
The ever entwining depth of life that comes from being truly free, because your free to think, because I am. I am blowing off the lid.